Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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