I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You've changed since you got that strap on
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
