He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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