I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
