Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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