2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
