You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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