He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
