I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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