i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
