I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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