"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
MIDGETS
????
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
