He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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