I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
