It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
