mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
