I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
