i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
