Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
