i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
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i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
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For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
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