the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
