There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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