thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
