The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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