is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
foreskin is a definite game changer
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
