you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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