Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize