Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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