I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
