I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
