I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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