I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Randomize
