one word: firstdatebathroomanal
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
