how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
