I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
