I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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