so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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