I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You need Xanax blowdarts
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
