i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm always down for nudity.
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