Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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