we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
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He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize