after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
