I wish I only lived at night.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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