Banned from zoo.
Again?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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