Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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