Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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