Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
