Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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