We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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