Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She bit a glass in half.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
