Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
