Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
