Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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