apparently the secret to your success is patron
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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