It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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