You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
