new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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