I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize