I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
