i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
