You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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