Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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