Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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